Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Would God chew gum?

My aunt passed away this past week. She was 89 years old, and was the last one of my deceased grandfather's 4 sibling still living. Five in all, with my grandfather being the youngest. She was Catholic and most of that side of the family is, so of course there was a Catholic funeral at a Catholic church. It was a descent service with the priest delivering a fairly "heart" felt message like he knew the woman as well as the rest of the family (which I am convinced he did not). But that is another story....

So there I am sitting third row from the front, along side my grandmother (to my right), and my father (to her right). There is some immediate family in the second row, and her son and step daughter with grandsons in the first row. My legs began to get tired from all the ups and downs and different prayers. It seemed strange to me (I am not Catholic), but I tried to be honoring to my grandmother and deceased aunt and did my best to follow. Finally there comes a moment for silent meditation...we are asked to remain standing. I am there thinking about Aunt Frannie in heaven (or pergatory if I was Catholic) playing shuffle board with John Paul II...when all of a sudden I notice the paster coming down from his pulpit and walking down the second isle in my direction. He stops right in front of me and leans in to tell me something...

Figuring it had something to do with being a casket bearer, I leaned forward to hear his instructions...and his response....

"You must remove the gum from your mouth...this is the holy temple of God and it is rude to have gum in your mouth so you need to get rid of it immediately!"

WTF....Is he serious?! I am suppose to be meditating about my always smiling aunt. I couldn't believe it....as I remove my gum...he wanders back to his authoritative throne in front. The kicker is...I wasn't even chewing the gum...it was kind of just in my mouth...I don't even know how he saw it...let alone let it bother him so much he needed to interrupt my silent meditation over my aunt's death to tell me to remove it. I was so mad that I really didn't even respond to him...except to say "sorry I offended you" as I removed the gum. I should've handed it to him and said "thank you for being a servant of the lord", and asked him to "please throw it away for me". But I didn't...I didn't want to make a scene at the funeral.

Afterward, I helped carry the casket to the hurse...and stopped him. Sorry I offended you I said. And before I could say another word, he said that "it is ok, it is just sad that in a Christian society people just do not know how act properly and next time you will know better"....and walked away. Are you kidding me right now?! I didn't even get to say something...I wanted to tell him that first of all...society is far from a Christian society...I don't know what box you are living under...and even if it were...would God care if I had gum in my mouth at my aunt's funeral? NO!! Secondly, I would've said that building of brick and wood is just a building...it isn't a holy temple of God. God doesn't live there...he lives in our hearts...not in buidlings! And lastly, that if Jesus were standing there with me, do you think he would've care that much...or would he have maybe had gum in his mouth too?! What a confused and power hungry individual! I tried not to judge him in my heart, but I think I may have. I wanted to rebuke him, and correct his wrongful actions, but he didn't even give me a chance to speak. Only God can change a man's heart. So I will pray for him.

But when it comes down to it, I hope there is Gum in heaven so that Jesus and I can meet that man...both of us blowing bubbles with our gum and asking him if he might want some. That would be great...cuz I really think that God would chew gum.

6 comments:

VRA said...

I have a meeting with my priest next Wednesday. I'm going to ask him his stance on this issue--he seems pretty funny, and definitely down to earth, so hold tight!

The Professor said...

Ok...I will be waiting for his insights. :o)

Dan Price said...

That is an amazing story. I had gum at the funeral last week. Didn't know I was so disrespectful...

The Professor said...

hahaha...Dan kudos! You are one funny man. Oh ya...sorry I didn't get to open mic night...I will make it eventually...I promise!

VRA said...

Ok, I had the official meeting with the priest. He laughed at me when I asked if he would be offended if I chewed gum during mass, or during a funeral. He asked, in his cute Polish accent, why such a question? I told him a general story of your experience and he said, "to each his own". He said if he was that offended by it he would have politely handed you a tissue!

:-)

The Professor said...

Thank you for asking...I have an update to this story that I am going to post...you might be amused ;o)