Hardship

I am still freakin sick. Three days on meds and I still feel like crap! Think I am going to call the Dr. tomarrow and see what's up.

On a different note...
Some of my friends are going through some really tough times right now...and I want them to know that I will pray for them. Also sometimes it really puts lifes problems in perspective, when someone you know is going through something really really crappy. Not that our own problems aren't there anymore, but compassion for another person can put some(feeling sick in my case) out of mind for awhile.

I wonder sometimes what God thinks when other people are hurting or even when I am. I know he loves me, and I know he cares. I tend to think that he is crying right there with us in our pain, with his arms ready to wrap us in his comfort.

Today's the day!

Ok, so I am official now 26. Typical Birthday so far...it's raining and I woke up not feeling good.

Hopefully it does nothing but get better from here...right!

Turning 26

I am gaining a new year on my life this Thursday, and I realized that I am probably close to 1/3 the way through my life. I couldn't help but wonder if God looks down and sees someone who he is pleased with or disappointed in? I know either was nothing I can do will get me into heaven...that is by His Grace alone. Jesus always has kept his promises, and one of them is if we believe (really honestly believe) in Him and who he said he was, then he would save a room for us!

A friend of mine lives his life for other people 99% of the time. He is a definate servant of God. He is one of those rare harvesters Jesus talks about. I pray that God picks me to be the same way...deep down that is what I want...to serve God and love my neighbor. Hopefully for these next 2/3 or 3/4 of my years I have left I can live like that! Live like Jesus. :o)

Same as yesterday...

Nothing new...same as the other day.... My quote of the day comes from a book that I am sure many of my blogging friend know about or have read....Blue like Jazz


"I will love God because he first loved me. I will obey God becuase I love God. But if I cannot accept God's love, I cannot love Him in return, and I cannot obey Him. Self-discipline will never make us feel rightous or clean; accepting God's love will. The ability to accept God's unconditional grace and ferocious love is all the fuel we need to obey him in return. Accepting God's kindness and free love is something the devil does not want to do. If we hear, in our inner ear, a voice saying we are failures, we are losers, we will never amount to anything, this is the voice of Satan trying to convince the bride that the groom does not love her. This is not the voice of God. God woos us with kindness, He changes our character with the passion of His love."

This is what I am feeling and dealing with in my life.

There's an old saying...

There's an old saying that states if you love something, let it go....blah blah blah...if it comes back it was yours to keep. Well most times lately I feel that whoever said that never let go of something they cherished and adored and loved.....cuz that statement sucks.

They never mentioned anything about the pain, or feeling lost, or the rest hard stuff that results from letting go. If you think I am lying try letting go of something you really really love and still have the faith in God to have control. It is UNREAL SCARY! I mean most of the time you feel ok, but there are those moments where you feel like you are getting flushed down the toilet bowl and you'll never make it back to the surface.

Thankfully, I know that God is only going to let me get sucked down so far before he finally throws me that floatation device and I see what his plan was. Right now...having trouble seeing, thinking, and hoping clearly about just exactly that might be.

It's not the being alone that scares me, but the times where I have to sit and listen to the silence and my stupid carnal nature takes over. Which causes me to be angry, spiteful, hateful, and maybe even dreadful. None of which demonstrates my reliance on God...why? I know that God has a plan for each and every one of us....so why do I have moments of doubt? God is in control!

A friend once told me...."Joey, it takes a lot of manure to grow a beautiful rose garden!" I think he may have been right. The more "manure" that is dumped on my life, the more I see that garden grow later on. So in a way, I guess I am thankful to God for trusting in me to handle so much poop! I got a great life, with a loving family, a few good friends, a great job, and my dog and kittens....so what more would I need right? God has always provided (big or small), so why when I let go do I feel like my feet will stumble?

Big Ten Football

So tomarrow is the first day of Michigan Football...that's right U of M football. Now many of you wonder why I like Michigan...since I didn't even graduate from there. The truth...because my aunt and uncle both did...and when I was little they kind of got me hooked! So here I am living close to Spartan Country and yet I am a Blue and Gold fan.

On a different note...I hate moving. I should start my own moving business :o)

Silence and stars

Last night the sky was totally clear and the stars were out in full force, so I decided to go for a late night stroll.

As I walked I realized that everything was so still and silent. It made me wonder if I spend enough time being silent myself. I am a talker and can be pretty fidgity. There was no one around, just me and the stars...and yet there was a ton of noise. Not the kind of noise like cars and airplanes and people, but the noise of my thoughts, hopes and fears all taking the moment of silence to become loud. It was like my inner being could not just enjoy the night and the calmness, it had to break the silence.

Sometimes with God it is like that too...
I spend so much time talking to God and so much less time listening. My friend Noel preached a sermon on silence in church and we just sat there at one point making no noise. I felt like I was going to go crazy because I could talk, just sit there...no one talked. That is the same way I felt when I was walking in the starlight. Going to explode from silence! It made me think about my relationship with God. Do I wait on him, or just tell him what is on my heart and then fill the rest of the silence with other things...you know...so I don't have to listen.

Teenage kids

It is funny to me how similar and so different teenagers are from elementary ages students. I have found that my interaction with them when it comes to problems they face in their lives is so similar to the problems faced by younger children.

The dynamics of their problems seem to be more dramaticized for teenagers. I am not saying that their issues are not valid, but sometimes the drama that they infuse into their problems is simply amazing. I wonder as a teacher and a Christian, how I can help them cope with their issues in a God loving way. Is it possible to die to myself and serve God while maintaining the professionalism of being an educator? The line is very fine, but I am finding the doors to be opening more and more with my students.

God's power is ever present!

Lord, open my eyes to see! Teach me how to be an effective follower and disciple of Christ to my students!