Sometimes in life, there are opportunities you think only knock once…and if you don’t answer you are out of luck. Other times there are situations where you have to let things go, which are never going to return. But there are brief moments in life that are so amazing, and some call to chance, an occurrence in which you are giving a second go around. If you die to yourself, and give up control…you realize that God is in charge…and he has his plan. His will is what is important not ours…but oh how hard it is to really let go.

Will I ever truly let go and trust him? There is one thing in life I want more than anything else…the drive inside of me is so strong it makes me feel like I will burst sometimes. The girl I would like to marry someday…will God ever allow that to ever happen? He may not, and I am supposed to be ok with that. The fact is, I don’t know that I am. It is hard to imagine what it would be like without her around. How much I see God through her, and God work through her makes me so amazed at his power and sovereignty. She is so beautiful, funny, smart, stubborn, fun, and did I mention beautiful. The list is endless of why I want to be her husband, but does she want to be my wife? No...just friends I suppose...but will she ever want to be more? That question haunts me like a shadow…I can’t shake it. I know deep down she loves me, even if she won’t say it…her actions tell me she does. Her words and actions tell me how deeply she cares for me...without ever having her say "I love you." So here I continue to sit, patiently waiting for God to make the move and for me to be moved. Trying not to crumble in my doubts, and fears...trying to hold on to the hope that God knows best...and the knowledge that he loves us all very much. He wants the best for us...even if we won't admit it...which is hard to do sometimes. There is nothing else I can do, except to wait for God to move in one direction or the other, pray for continued patience, and strong faith to know HE has HIS plan...even if it does not come close to what my plans want to be. I want to do his will...and give up my own.