There's an old saying that states if you love something, let it go....blah blah blah...if it comes back it was yours to keep. Well most times lately I feel that whoever said that never let go of something they cherished and adored and loved.....cuz that statement sucks.
They never mentioned anything about the pain, or feeling lost, or the rest hard stuff that results from letting go. If you think I am lying try letting go of something you really really love and still have the faith in God to have control. It is UNREAL SCARY! I mean most of the time you feel ok, but there are those moments where you feel like you are getting flushed down the toilet bowl and you'll never make it back to the surface.
Thankfully, I know that God is only going to let me get sucked down so far before he finally throws me that floatation device and I see what his plan was. Right now...having trouble seeing, thinking, and hoping clearly about just exactly that might be.
It's not the being alone that scares me, but the times where I have to sit and listen to the silence and my stupid carnal nature takes over. Which causes me to be angry, spiteful, hateful, and maybe even dreadful. None of which demonstrates my reliance on God...why? I know that God has a plan for each and every one of us....so why do I have moments of doubt? God is in control!
A friend once told me...."Joey, it takes a lot of manure to grow a beautiful rose garden!" I think he may have been right. The more "manure" that is dumped on my life, the more I see that garden grow later on. So in a way, I guess I am thankful to God for trusting in me to handle so much poop! I got a great life, with a loving family, a few good friends, a great job, and my dog and kittens....so what more would I need right? God has always provided (big or small), so why when I let go do I feel like my feet will stumble?
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