Dying to yourself

First I must admit...this is barrowed from my friend HMB, which in turn she took from the author Bill Britton. But it is totally awsome and wanted to blog something really good today.

Dying to Self by Bill Britton

When you are forgotten or neglected, or purposely set at naught, and you don't sting and hurt with the insult or the oversight, but your heart is happy - being counted worthy to suffer for Christ; THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When your good is evil spoken of, when your wishes are crossed, your advice disregarded, your opinions ridiculed, and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart, or even defend yourself - but take it all in patient loving silence; THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When you lovingly and patiently bear any disorder, any irregularity, any unpunctuality, or any annoyance ... when you can stand face to face with waste, folly, extravagance, spiritual insensibility - and endure it as Jesus endured it; THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When you are content with any food, any offering, any raiment, any climate, any society, any solitude, any interruption - by the will of God; THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When you never care to refer to yourself in conversation, or record your own good works, or itch after commendation - when you can truly love to be unknown; THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When you can see your brother prosper and have his needs met, and honestly rejoice with him in sprit without envy or question of God - while your own needs are far greater and in desperate circumstance; THAT IS DYING TO SELF

When you receive correction and reproof from one of less stature that yourself, and can humbly submit inwardly as well as outwardly - finding no rebellion or resentment rising up in your heart; THAT IS DYING TO SELF ARE YOU DEAD YET?

In these last days the Sprit would bring us to the Cross."That I may know Him ... being made conformable to His death"

update

Ok...long story short. They cancelled the pre-liminary hearing. Both sides decided that there was enough evidence to go straight to trial. So I got the day off...didn't have to sit in court...and didn't have to see the guy who killed Kris. Kind of wierd.

Drunk Driving Revisted

I was invited to the arraignment of the drunk driver who killed my friend Kris. I was invited by his best friend and his family. It is on Wednesday. I am going, but I am a little torn. Deep down I am mad at the 20 year old who made the crappy choice to drink and drive and think that he deserves whatever he gets. I also want to see justice be done. But I also pray for the guy. I have never met him. His life is ruined now...because he carelessly took the life of another.

But I don't want to have hate for him in my heart. I am afraid I am going to hate this guy when I see him for the first time on Wednesday. I mean does he feel remorse or is he a big fat jerk. I want to believe he is a jerk...so if I hate him I won't feel bad about it. I've been praying a lot about what I will do. How do you love someone that killed one of your friends? Love your enemies...kind of hard. I just want to go and support his family and Shawn (his best friend). God is in control...and I am trusting in that.

Being me...

Ok listen up. I am constantly in self frustration mode, because I know that no matter what I do I can't make myself any closer to God. I can't buy my way to God. If I could, than everyone could just pay some silly toll and be right with God. But that isn't how it works. I mean read what Jesus said. He said "I am the way, the truth, and the light. No one comes to the father except by me." John 3:16...most misquoted verse in the bible in my opinion. Meaning that nothing we do gets us closer to God except for following and submitting to his authority over us. Think of it. The word "Lord"...what exactly does that mean? Lord is someone who has complete power over you. Someone you serve, and give authority to. To put it simply...letting God have his authority over us and obeying his word...aka...the bible.

Now I know that life isn't like a bowl of cherries or something else stupid like that just because I choose to follow Christ. In fact the opposite seems to be true. Think about it...yours friends peg you as a nut; you start to realize there is more to life than having fun and living for the moment; things like drinking and sex and whatever else suddenly become issues for sinful acts. You become a social outcast in a sense. Realizing sin is what keeps your from God. Realizing that relationship is what you have been missing in your life. So, you go against the world....and follow Christ.

But there is hope in the life you choose....or more so....the life that chooses you. God picks us first...we don't pick him first. He plants the seed that we choose to either continue to grow or chop down and play in the thorns. The thorns of sin are so tempting...luring us away from truth and creating a larger gap between us and a relationship with God. God frees us from the thorns...lets us know truth and frees us from the sin. The sin that is like the flower of a rose bush...beautiful....but only sucks us in and prick us with the thorns of sin. The sin that widens the gap of a relationship with God. Jesus died to repair the wounds the thorns cause. To love and heal our hearts. That is why Jesus died. So that the thorns wouldn't have the control...he gave us the choice.

Getting real...

I learned a couple of weeks ago that my sister has chosen the homosexual life style. I really don't know how to feel about it. I knew she was living the lifestyle for awhile now, but she accepted a ring from her friend. Though I don't know why I should be so shocked...actually I wasn't.

I love my sister, but I think she makes rash decisions about her life choices. She is as stubborn as I am, so that makes talking about things just that much more difficult sometimes. In the past two and a half years she has been engaged to be married to a man, and broke that off. Was breifly carrying a second man's children, (that ended) and broke that off. And now has decided she is gay. Like I said I really love her...she is my only sister...but I don't know how someone can waiver so much on such life changing decisions over such a short coarse of time. Trying to talk to her about biblical truths (which she was raised by) is near impossible. Almost always a fight, so I try to just be her brother...which is bad too sometimes ;o)

The thing is, I don't know what to say to her...or not to say...so I just try to be as real as possible. She knows I disagree with her choice (not going to stop loving her though). She knows that the bible says it is wrong...though she thinks the bible is just tainted human ideas. No one was ever won to the Lord through argumentation....or so my friend RB says. So I am left with just voicing my opinion and agreeing to disagree with her. And of course prayer....so that is what I do. I pray for the situation and my sister.

It was a good day

Today I spent time with my best friend HMB. It was good. She is one of those people whom I trust with everything. The sucky thing is she lives an hour away, but the good thing is I get to see her about once a week...if only at church. We hung out with Lindsay and Brad. They played with the kittens, and Brad played some Halo 2 at my crib. It was good times...we also sat in the hot tub...but it was freezing outside. The water felt great, but man that air froze us. Brad figured out the hard way that it took about 2 minutes for your hair to freeze...that was kind of funny.

My dog was hillarious...he kept jumping up on the edge of the tub because he wanted the rubber duck thermometer in the tub. It was pretty funny. Then, HMB took the kids home and we met up for dinner at Olive Garden. Like I said...good times with HMB. We talked about life and hung out. Then went to good ol' Meijers for some supplies for the week. I said my good bye and off she went to D-town. It was a good day.

kitten 

Insane Kitten

Last night, I got home from our Wrestling match against Eaton Rapids...which we won...and I noticed something about Hemi. He had a turd hanging from his butt as he was getting out of the litter box...there was something wierder though. I inspected it closer only to see it hanging by a rubber band. My frickin' cat had eaten a rubber band....and it was holding that turd there. It freaked me out cuz the turd bounced by the rubber band while he walked.

I was ticked...so I went to grab him and of course he took of on a dead sprint. SO I give pursuit. I felt like I was cat hurding. Down the hall...around the table...up the stairs...down the stairs...back up the stairs. I finally grabbed him. A cat that doesn't want to be held is like trying to hold water in a strainer...near impossible. Trying to be as delicate as I can, I remove the issue...kitty cat...all better. Now it was 10:30 and so I washed my hand and tried not to vomit and went to bed. Think twice before getting animals ;o)

New insight...

My friend told me to quit running around in circles chasing my tail, by doubting. Thank you Mike for that insight. He was absolutely right. That is kind of what I was struggling with...the fear of not living right...instead of just living. HMB told me that I do that earlier today too (2 times in one day...I get it God)...I spend too much time worrying about whether I am doing something good enough, or am good enough, instead of just doing it and having faith that God will work out the rest. Which is absolutely true.

I think that Satan gets in our heads and makes us think we aren't good enough to do something...so instead of doing things...we worry. I know I do that waaaaaaay too much. Am I doing it right...is it good enough...blah blah. Like Nike said..."JUST DO IT". Not to say that you shouldn't question, but knowing that God is with us can make all the difference in the world. Sometimes, that is where we have to have the faith to step out on the water and know that God isn't going to let us sink. By doubting, that is all we will do...maybe just enough faith to keep our heads above the water...but I want the faith to walk on the water! I want God to "look" at me the way he "looked" at Peter. And to have the faith Peter had to come out to him on the water.

Shattered again....

Ok...so I was listening to Noel on my computer. It was his Easter message titled "Shattered" ...and again there I am feeling like there is more for my life...that God needs to use me more and am I letting him do it?

...so I listened to another one of Noel's messages "Community"....again...same feeling. It is like the lyrics of one of my favorite Switchfoot songs....which Noel used in his sermon of course. I want to live for God alone...not for myself...or by myself.

MEANT TO LIVE

Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's bid for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly

[Chorus]
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

Dreaming about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we've been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we're bent and broken, broken

[Chorus]
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life,

yeah,
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live

It is interesting everytime I hear this song I hear God telling me to live...for him...to die to myself and live for him.

The Church Thing

Okay...so church today was pretty good. Normally it is...but normally I don't write about it. I like that it challenges me and fills me back up after a long week. If I am feeling down, or frustrated, the act being with other Christians and listening about God tends to lift me back up. I think it is a combination of the music and the message. They always hit me. They always deal with real life and what the bible tells us. Now I know....Riverview is just a building...and the body of believers is the "church", but that is why it is so good. As my friend R.B. would say: "there are really real Christains" there. There are also people from all walks of faith and non faith, and outlooks...but the focus is God.

I don't normally invite people to church, and I don't know why. My friend and I talked today about that subject. I guess, I was being afraid a little to invite some of my other friends who really aren't into "the God thing" or "church". I wasn't having a willingness to trust God with everything....to step out of my safety and comfort of what my friends might think...to maybe help them get to know God as the personal, caring, loving creator he is. Which is kind of ironic, because that was part of the message today too. The message was centered around four areas. These areas were: Having a willingness to trust God with everything, a willingness to submit to his authority, a willingness to take risks for God, and a willingness to be truely authentic.

Steve...the pastor...also said we have two primal fears. The fear of failure, and the fear of rejection. Isn't that funny. Sometimes I feel like God is talking directly at me. Those reasons are why I steer clear of the subject of faith and God with some friends. The are fears God wants me to overcomb...be authentic...be willing...don't be afraid of failing or rejection. I don't want to push my beliefs onto other people. I just want them to know God like I do. To experience how much he cares...and loves each of us. I want God to use me to reach others.

Napolean Dynamite

So if you haven't seen this movie...I highly recommend it. Especially if you like stupid funny movies. I have seen it about six times now. My roommate bought it and I watched it on a whim...now it may be on my top five favorite movies for humor!

So if you want to see some clips check this out:
http://www2.foxsearchlight.com/napoleondynamite/epk/index.php

Friends

What are friends? Are they the people who know us best, even when we don't know ourselves? Are they the ones who "are there for us" when we need them? The ones we can count on? The people we hold dearest to our hearts for whatever reason....?

I have always had problems with "friends". Some friendships last only a short time, while some have lasted most of my life. Throughout it all, I know that some friends are better than others. The good ones we don't always hold onto, and the ones we should let go...well...we cling onto with a death grip for some insecurity buried deep within the soul. Some hold special slots in our life which we can never let go of, even if we really wanted to. They are the ones that we want to be there, but aren't. They are the ones that we poor out into, and yet we can never seem to fill. They are the ones that know us inside out, and on some level have love toward us, but for some reason keep their distance or keep looking for someone better. Why?

Or maybe it is just me? Maybe I am too intense, demanding, open, serious, and goofy. Maybe I just have one of those personalities where people can only take so much of you before they really need a break. Really though, I think that it is because I come across judgemental too often(even though I am not really that way). But for some odd reason that is how people sometimes take me. I ask too many questions, and care way too much. People label me as nosey...not caring.

Maybe, I am too sensitive. Caring about other people costs...no matter what anyone says. But isn't that what Jesus told us to do? Love your neighbor. Count the cost. Die to yourself. If I do that, then it shouldn't matter what my friends do, or how they act, or what they think about me....right? Unfortunately, it does matter more often than not. I do care about what others think...and say....and how they act toward me. But what matters most, is what God thinks of me as his servant. Am I doing good? (despite my feelings of unworthyness, sometimes loneliness, pridefullness, self rightousness, etc.)....Am I bearing good fruit or am I a branch that needs to be cut off? What does God think about how I am loving my "friends"?