Friends

What are friends? Are they the people who know us best, even when we don't know ourselves? Are they the ones who "are there for us" when we need them? The ones we can count on? The people we hold dearest to our hearts for whatever reason....?

I have always had problems with "friends". Some friendships last only a short time, while some have lasted most of my life. Throughout it all, I know that some friends are better than others. The good ones we don't always hold onto, and the ones we should let go...well...we cling onto with a death grip for some insecurity buried deep within the soul. Some hold special slots in our life which we can never let go of, even if we really wanted to. They are the ones that we want to be there, but aren't. They are the ones that we poor out into, and yet we can never seem to fill. They are the ones that know us inside out, and on some level have love toward us, but for some reason keep their distance or keep looking for someone better. Why?

Or maybe it is just me? Maybe I am too intense, demanding, open, serious, and goofy. Maybe I just have one of those personalities where people can only take so much of you before they really need a break. Really though, I think that it is because I come across judgemental too often(even though I am not really that way). But for some odd reason that is how people sometimes take me. I ask too many questions, and care way too much. People label me as nosey...not caring.

Maybe, I am too sensitive. Caring about other people costs...no matter what anyone says. But isn't that what Jesus told us to do? Love your neighbor. Count the cost. Die to yourself. If I do that, then it shouldn't matter what my friends do, or how they act, or what they think about me....right? Unfortunately, it does matter more often than not. I do care about what others think...and say....and how they act toward me. But what matters most, is what God thinks of me as his servant. Am I doing good? (despite my feelings of unworthyness, sometimes loneliness, pridefullness, self rightousness, etc.)....Am I bearing good fruit or am I a branch that needs to be cut off? What does God think about how I am loving my "friends"?